I know that New Year resolutions are old hat. Mostly just an explanation for why my gym-going friends are so pissed off for most of January until the laziness takes over and the ellipticals free up again. So I’m not going to call this a New Year resolution. This is just a conscious change to try and make me a happier and better person that just happens to coincide with the start of a new calendar year.
This is not to say that I’m unhappy. It’s a common script between Jeanette and I that when one of us goes off on a tear about something, be it other drivers on the road, people in general, Americans in particular, or whatever, the other one of us reminds the complainer of how good we have it. Good friends, some money in the bank for a rainy day, full fridge, and a relatively secure future; all of these things outweigh getting cut off on the way home, a news story about asshats being asshats, or somebody pissed off about something on Facebook. I love this script. It allows us to let loose some of the frustrations inside while knowing that there’s an anchor there to reel us back in before we go too far into crazyland.
But for the past few months, and most acutely in the past few weeks, I’ve found myself asking over and over again, “Are things getting worse?” Planes seem to be falling out of the sky, crime seems to be going through the roof, everybody is mad at everyone else, Congress seems to have lockjaw, politics is downright vitriolic, and every day brings a new reason to wail, rend our garments, and gnash our teeth.
But if you take the emotion out of it, and take a step back, the data certainly doesn’t show that it’s getting worse. Planes are crashing less now than ever. Crime continues a steady downward trend. While income disparity is pretty shocking, we aren’t getting any poorer. And politics and government? Well there’s a reason that our great great grandparents knew better than to discuss them in polite company.
So, if the world at large isn’t going to hell in a hand basket, then where is my perception coming from that it is? I’ve been stewing on this for a few days, when I can get my brain out of the holiday food coma. I’ve come to the determination that if it’s not the facts that are so shocking, it’s either got to be the way in which I get information about the world, or the way in which I process that information. I suspect it’s both, but I’m not sure how to test that theory.
It seems to be generally accepted in the media business that bad news is more appealing, i.e.: If it bleeds, it leads. However, two studies came out in 2013 that showed that in contrast to traditional media, positive news gets more traction on social media than does negative.
My own personal non-scientific observation is that social media has become less of a vehicle for experiences than it is for opinions. There’s less posts about food, vacation pictures, or stories from your day than there are memes, links to news and blog posts, and general ranting. I’ve taken month-long hiatuses from the news and from social media, and I didn’t notice much of a difference. Face to face conversations with co-workers, friends, and family all seem to eventually get around to rehashing what’s been interesting on the internet.
In 2014, Jeanette and I started Supplying Hope, a nonprofit company which assembles and distributes supply bags to the homeless each December. This started a few years ago as a frustration with the lack of satisfaction we got with buying presents for each other at Christmas time, and a decision to give other people presents instead. Each year, the effort has gotten bigger and better, involving more people, more resources, and doing more good. And as I’ve been putting together Supplying Hope’s 2014 year-end review, something finally clicked.
This is what makes makes things better, both inside and outside. Many engineers have told me that the biggest and best accomplishments of humans have all been accomplished by taking something impossible, breaking it down into smaller components, solving the small problems one at a time, moving forward until the impossible thing isn’t impossible, just hard. Supplying Hope showed me that fixing small problems is easy, immensely fulfilling, and contributes to the big problems.
I’ve always felt that my job is to do the best I can to make the world around me better. In the past I’ve tried to do that by staying as informed as possible about as much as possible, from sources that are as valid, accurate, and precise as possible, and trying to use that information to the most good that I could. If someone expressed an opinion online, or posted a link to an article that moved them, and I found that those opinions were based on inaccurate or incorrect information, I would try and educate. This was a bad strategy. At best, I came off as a know-it-all or a prick. At worst, I found that some people don’t care that their opinion is based on false or incomplete information; it was theirs and they liked it.
So, I’ve finally decided (and thanks for sticking around long enough for me to get to the point) that I’m never going to get away from the negativity. There’s a lot of things that happen that make us feel bad. And in general, you can’t escape them. Therefore, I’m going to make the conscious decision to shift my focus. I need to be aware of what’s happening in the broader world, that’s just part of who I am. But I don’t have to dwell on that, internalize it, or let myself get emotional about it. What I can do instead is focus on the world around me. In 2015, instead of addressing all the big shenanigans in the world, I’m going to focus my effort, thought, and feelings on those I can see and touch. No more railing against the world, no more obtuse political arguments, and no more attention to all the chain letter negativity that runs around.
This is not to say that I’m going all Pollyanna. There is still plenty of negativity in our immediate surroundings that needs attention and care. People will lose loved ones, jobs will be lost, catastrophes will happen. And I will be there and offer my help. But the gorging on sad stories from around the world? I don’t have the energy. The constant shock and amazement at the next stupid thing to come out of our elected representatives? Talk to me at election time. Famous people doing stupid human tricks? Yawn. Manufactured outrage at whatever? Who’s got the time?
But if you’re part of my family and my life, and I can help you? Share your grief? Bear some of your burden? Stand watch for you and yours? Then go ahead and reach out, because you are my world, and I’m going to make my world better.